please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize