so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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