my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
