i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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