Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When did angry sex become our thing?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
