I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
