wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
