I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
