just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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