she was so not down for the gang bang
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
