Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
