you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He felt like a one man threesome
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
