I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
