Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
