Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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