I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
