I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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