Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
