i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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