So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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