Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize