I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
