Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
