Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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