I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize