I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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