Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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