some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
