you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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