He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
