he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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