called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
