Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
