dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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