Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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