not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
