I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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