i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
