bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
