That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
