am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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