So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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