I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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