I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
