We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
