so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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