if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
