She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i think my cat just said my name.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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