you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
