he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Couch. On fire.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
