Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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