I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
