Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
