she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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