i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't want my vagina anymore.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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