I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
