Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
