Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
