i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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