i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
