Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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