I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
