Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
