Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
