You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
