ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
