so that wasnt chicken after all
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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