I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
