I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
